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Sunday, November 21, 2010

First off: top work Kate Bosworth, you burger eating heroine you. And if you look at that picture, you’ll see that she’s not just sniffing around the burger in her hands, she’s taking one huge bite out of it. That bite is a statement of intent. Her clasp around the floury bun says: “Screw you cow, you might be dead but I’m about to make you deader. Deader and inside me. I’m gonna swallow you, then digest you, then...” Woah! Enough of that. Let’s not go there.
Second off: unfortunately for Kate Bosworth, it doesn’t look like an amazing burger. It looks ‘okay’. But not amazing. An amazing burger is slightly pink in the middle because it’s been made with real beef and real beef is best when rare. This is what the inside of Kate Bosworth's burger looks like:That's not a rare burger, but the salad content looks good. Ideally a burger should be served with a small amount of salad inside, preferably including tomato, and a slice of cheese that’s very much ‘real cheese’, not the stuff that lives in sheets of plastic in your fridge. The bun should be very lightly toasted so it’s warm and has a lovely crunchy texture to offset the softness of the meat. Gherkins are preferable but we accept that they’re divisive. Ketchup and mustard are mandatory, obviously. And chips. And a milkshake. Coke’s okay but if you have a milkshake you feel a bit more like you’ve had a well-rounded meal. This might be a milkshake:

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