Katherine Heigl beats up her co-stars

Those of you used to seeing Katherine Heigl dressing a horrific wound on Grey’s Anatomy or as a rom-com floozy are in for quite a shock. In her upcoming movie One for the Money, Heigl stars as a kick-ass bounty hunter, disposing of her nice-girl image in kamikaze fashion. Her co-star, John Leguizamo, who plays a boxing manager, is not the only one surprised by her transformation, commenting, “She beats me up! She beats up some other dude. She beats up her love interest. She beats everybody up.” It seems that all that cringe-worthy dialogue she’s been forced to endure has finally gotten the better of her and she’s finally lost the plot. Oh, what we’d only do to take a beating from Kate. At anytime of the day, and on any, but preferably every, part of the body.

She now enters the running to eclipse those other thuggish babes Angelina Jolie (Tomb Raider), Uma Thurman (Kill Bill), and, er, Keira Knightley (Domino, anyone?) as women whose physical assets are second to their athletic prowess and sociopathic worldview. Still, we’re sure there won’t be a shortage of close-ups involving water and skin-tight clothing, as well as a token semi-nude scene where she has to have it off with some fat bloke to extract vital information. Do us proud, Katherine. Take out every single scumbag in your path. And get rid of that husband of yours while you’re at it. He’s only with you because of your intellect.

Ashley Greene was the best at the MTV Awards

We're not that familiar with Ashley Greene's work. We know she's in the Twilight movies but we've only seen one of them, and it was the second one, so it was all pretty confusing and excessively weepy. What we do know about Ashley Greene is that she looked great at the MTV Awards last night. This is an artist's impression of how she looked. And when we say "artist's impression" we essentially mean "probably quite portly paparazzi's impression".
Just very beautiful. Ashley is currently filming a movie with Miley Cyrus. The movie is called LOL: Laughing Out Loud, which is literally the worst name for a movie since essentially ever.
Ashley Green at the MTV Movie Awards - full length

Ashley Greene is not to be confused with Ashley Green, which is a village in Buckinghamshire. We've looked at pictures and it's quite pretty, but not pretty as Ashley Greene. You can read more about Ashley Green on Wikipedia. Be warned, it is such a boring entry that even thinking about the fact there is someone in the world who felt compelled to write it will make you feel very sad indeed.

Eva Mendes' red carpet dress is green

Eva Mendes always performs well at premieres. Here she is at the London premiere of cop comedy The Other Guys, a film for which she’s already attended a premiere in Los Angeles. Do they get bored when they have to do that? Or do they just leave after ten minutes and go and watch something else on another screen and then go to the after party and thank everyone so much for coming?The Other Guys is funny in places but the plot gets in the way of the fun a bit. Because, let’s be honest, if it’s a comedy you should just concentrate on the comedy and not a plot involving forensics, scaffolding permit violations, pyramid schemes, federal bailouts and other stuff people won’t understand because they just want to see some more Eva Mendes and the funny stuff.

Eva Mendes on the big screen is an amazing thing. Eva Mendes is a woman so beautiful she makes us feel like we've been hit by a bus. Mainly because we once were - wing mirror to the head while drooling over a sweaty, stocking-clad Mendes advertising Calvin Klein undercrackers. Still, six stitches or not, we can't stay mad at this Miami-born 36-year-old. Partly because actress Natasha Alam gives her "a ten for snogging" (in 2008 chick flick The Woman), partly because Hitch has been on the telly so often we're convinced we're husband and wife. When we see pictures of her out on the town, sometimes we rustle up some dinner and leave it in the oven in case she's peckish when she gets in.

Blake Lively's Allure photo shoot

Wow, doesn’t Blake Lively look all grown up? The 22-year old Gossip Girl star stares out on the front cover of October’s Allure magazine in a tight silver dress. With those dazzling sea-blue eyes, long, wavy hair and her mouth slightly open, hinting at infinite promise or the possibility that she's a bit thick, she’s definitely giving us the green light. Boy does she want it.Maybe.





Well, we’ll have to consider the offer but she said we have until Friday to decide. Promoting her new film, The Town (very good), co-starring the reliably Ben Afflecky Ben Affleck, she confidently assesses her acting abilities in an interview, also for the magazine, ‘“I’d look at what we shot on a day at it was like, “Oh gosh, I’m terrible”’. Don’t be so hard on yourself, Blake. Next to Ben Affleck, we’re positive you’ll look more like Judi Dench. In a good way. We wouldn’t be surprised if you got nominated for an Oscar.

Posing here in an Oscar de La Renta number, there’s just about enough cleavage to keep us mildly satisfied. But heck, we can’t always show you photos when they’ve got nothing on. There’s a reputation we’ve got to uphold. But if you carnivores haven’t got your dosage of flesh yet then here’s one which may be more to your liking.

DISASTER: Nadine Coyle is engaged

Nadine Coyle is Irish. Nadine Coyle’s fiancé Jason Bell is American. She is a singer.. He is an American Football player. He proposed recently. Here’s what Nadine Coyle had to say about it:

“I just got back from London and he was in New York and he surprised me with a ring and stuff, while I was in my pyjamas! If I had known I would have had a blow-dry or at least had a manicure or something!”

And also: “He got down on two knees, not one knee because he had played football for a while so he was all banged up. It was different! It was really, really nice. He’s probably dying now.”

Here’s a list of some famous Irish-Americans: John F Kennedy, Grace Kelly, F Scott Fitzgerald, Ronald Reagan, Joseph McCarthy, Harrison Ford, Walt Disney, Michael Moore, Bill Murray, Billy Corgan, Mariah Carey, Bruce Springsteen, Theodore Roosevelt, Richard Nixon. Coyle and Bell’s children, therefore, if they have any, will be in good company. Apart from Richard Nixon. He was a bad man.

Emma Stone had an asthma attack during sex

She’s an actress. Been in a couple of films. Superbad. Zombieland. Maybe something else. Can’t remember. Don’t care.
If the answer was, “the chick that had such vigorous sex with a bunch of students she ended up having an asthma attack,” – that’d be heaps more interesting.
So, let’s imagine it’s the future and ask that question again.
Who is Emma Stone?
The chick that had such vigorous sex with a bunch of students she ended up having an asthma attack.
Boom. Wow.Ok… she was only acting for a scene in new movie Easy A. And even in that scene her character’s only pretending to have sex. But still.

“Oh, for the love, I can’t even simulate sex without dying! I had a little asthma attack, without any prior knowledge that I had asthma, during the scene where we had to jump up and down for hours and hours screaming and yelling on the bed. It was humiliating, because it was the second day of shooting.”
Humiliating? Maybe. Sexy? Definitely.

Frankie Sandford wore a tight purple dress

Frankie Sandford is hot. That's a fact. You just can't argue with it. Go on, try. See? You can't. Told you. Don't question us again.

Tight purple dresses with little bits missing are also hot.

We're no mathematicians but we've worked out this little equation:Hot + Hot = DOUBLE HOT


Frankie and the rest of The Saturdays were performing at Twickenham to support Help For Heroes. That's a good cause. Good work, The Saturdays.Well, hello there, Mollie King. Nice of you to show up, and don't you look bloody marvelous in a nice pink dress. Your dress has got a bit missing as well, we see. It seems The Saturdays' changing room has been ravished by a plague of moths. Good work, moths.The Saturdays are all together now. There they are: Rochelle Wiseman... Karl Pilkington... Vanessa White... Frankie Sandford... Mollie King... Una Healy...

Wait! What? Karl Pilkington? Since when was he in The Saturdays? The cheeky round-headed rogue has only snuck on stage and started strumming away at an electric guitar.

Moths and Karl Pilkington? And they say being a pop star is easy.

Eva Longoria wants to be stalked

Just how much would you pay for any sort of contact with Eva Longoria? Go on, give us a figure. Well, what if we told you some have been giving up to $1000 for the cyber privilege of being followed by or tweeted at by the sexy Desperate Housewives star? Now, we should say these are not just some crazy desperadoes with a particularly wallet-busting form of celebrity fetish. These good Samaritans have been donating for TwitChange, a new fundraiser aimed at helping those suffering from the earthquake in Haiti.
Eva is smart. She may not look so in this photo, but we promise you, she is. She knows, from the L’Oreal adverts, that she’s most certainly worth it. When we watched the video for the first time, we were so hypnotized that we saw her lips moving but didn’t hear any of the words. For all we know, she could’ve been campaigning to kill all the remaining pandas in the world and we’d have suddenly found ourselves at London Zoo, disorientated, with a cheese-wire in our hands in the middle of the bear enclosure. Now that would be going out in style.

Other celebrities taking part in the initiative include Ricky Martin, Nicole Richie, and that annoying little crooner Justin Bieber, whose bid to be followed currently stands at $2500. We’d pay double that just to ensure his songs were banned indefinitely. So we’re starting up our own website ButtonitBieber.com. Our target is £40 million. Please donate for this most desperate of causes.

Vanessa Hudgens went to a premiere

It still feels a little bit wrong to fancy Vanessa Hudgens. She was in High School Musical for pity's sake. It doesn't feel right to be attracted to women from kids' programmes. It's a bit like fancying one of the Tweenies. Or Supergran. However, there is absolutely no denying she looks great, and she's 21, so it's totally fine. She recently spent some time looking good at a movie premiere.The premiere was for a film called The Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole. That's possibly the worst title for a film ever conjured. Legend of the Guardians is like the title of some book with a dragon on its cover that the kid who smelled like soup might have read at school, while eating his sandwiches alone in the toilet. And the rest of the title contains the word 'owls'. Name a single film containing a cool owl. The clockwork owl from Clash of the Titans was only cool if you saw it when you were seven. The owls in Harry Potter are only cool if you're the sort of person who'd shout 'expeliarmus' in a fight situation. But maybe Vanessa Hudgens being in the film will make it better.Except she's not in it. But it is directed by Zack Snyder, the man who is directing Vanessa's next film, Sucker Punch, so she was just being supportive of him. Now, Sucker Punch looks amazing. It has a dog-fight involving aeroplanes and an actual dragon (in so far as something made in a computer can be actual) and a giant robot samurai and lots of beautiful women. And LITERALLY NO OWLS. We think.

Sucker Punch posters are pretty sweet

earlier on we were banging on about how good the film Sucker Punch looks, and about how not good the film Legend of the Guardians: Owls of Something Or Other, We Can't Remember looks. As if by magic – or, more accurately, by email – someone who works in PR for both films sent us some posters of the ladies from Sucker Punch, all of which are pretty good. Rest assured, there are no owls ahead.

The posters are as follows. Vanessa Hudgens as Blondie. She's not blonde, obviously, so we suspect this to be some kind of clever joke. Oh Sucker Punch, you card.Emily Browning as Baby Doll. She's the lead character in the film, playing a girl who is sent to a mental institution and retreats into an imagined world that she believes will help her escape and is full of unfeasibly attractive fellow inmates. Emily Browning fact: She played the eldest sister in the movie Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. If you haven't seen that movie then that's a rubbish fact.
Jena Malone as Rocket. Jena Malone's been in loads of stuff, since she started as a child actress. She was in Donnie Darko, which was completely excellent. She was also in Stepmom, which was dreadful manipulative crap. She was also in the sitcom Roseanne as Little Girl on Santa's Lap, which is a kind of amazing credit, but could be misconstrued.
Sucker Punch - Rocket

Carla Gugino as Madam Gorski. You know her from Sin City and Watchmen, among other things. She's generally extremely proficient at the acting.

Halle Berry's dress might be see-through

Halle Berry is the dictionary definition of amazeballs. Seriously, we looked it up. Turns out the word 'amazeballs' isn't in the dictionary, so we just wrote it in small between 'amaze' and 'amazement' and put '= Halle Berry' next to it, plus a little smiley face and several hearts. Based on our advanced knowledge of how the dictionary works, that makes this definition official. Here is a visual representation of the word amazeballs.
Halle was at an event hosted by Swarovski Elements called 22 Ways To Say Black. We literally don't know what the hell that means. Are there 22 ways to say black? Thesaurus.com lists 31, but a lot of these are highly questionable. Murky, swarthy and starless do not mean black. They mean, respectively, a bit dull, quite a dark complexion, and oh-god-the-Sun's-burnt-out. These are not the same. Swarovski, you have set yourself an arguably impossible task. Anyway, back to Halle. It is possible her dress is see-through. See.


It's difficult to tell. It might be see-through, but it might not be. It's one of the questions that will likely tax mankind for the rest of time, like 'why are we here?', or 'why do Fruit Pastilles packets contain so many green ones when everyone knows green ones are essentially a bit horrible?' and 'If you blow really hard up a dog's nose could you make its ears whistle?'

Hayden Panettiere to play Amanda Knox

As people who have murdered someone by stabbing them in a psycho-sexual attack go, American lady Amanda Knox who’s serving a 26 year prison sentence in Italy for murdering her housemate Meredith Kercher is pretty cool. She’s got the looks, the strange habits and the right amount of “is this really happening?” bemusement on her face in roughly 62% of the post-‘worst night ever’ photos of her.

(SCARED OF PEOPLE HATING US DISCLOSURE: We realise calling a convicted killer ‘cool’ is slightly contentious but we’re just making flippant judgements within the context of murderers because it might be funny rather than suggesting you should put a poster of her on your wall or anything.)

Fred West, for example, was not cool. He ate onions like they were apples and raped his own children.

Amanda Knox did cartwheels and the splits in the police station while she was waiting to be questioned.

Ed Gein was also not cool. He made a full body suit out of his dead mother’s skin, and when they searched his house they found four noses, whole human bones and fragments, nine masks of human skin, bowls made from human skulls, Ten female heads with the tops sawed off, Human skin covering several chair seats, Mary Hogan's head in a paper bag, Bernice Worden's head in a burlap sack, nine vulvas in a shoe box, skulls on his bedposts, organs in the refrigerator and a pair of lips on a draw string for a windowshade.

Amanda Knox’s nickname is Foxy Knoxy.

In a roundabout way this leads us to Heroes' superhotmegababelookatherfacehasn’tshegotalovelysmile Hayden Panettiere who’s been chosen to play Knox in a biopic of the murderer. The film will be shown on US TV next year and will be written by Law and Order’s Wendy Battles.

Kate Winslet is looking GOOD

Kate Winslet's not someone typically regarded as a major sex symbol (is there an alternative term for sex symbol that doesn't make you sound like a 1980s edition of Just 17?). She's made a career out of being an extremely good actress, possibly the best of her generation, rather than just being exceptionally attractive, like Jennifer Lopez or someone. But, without in any way wanting to denigrate her acting achievements, she looks bloody amazing right now, at the age of nearly 35. Look at her at a party in Spain last night.That's not how Kate Winslet usually looks. She usually looks pretty in an English rosey sort of way; quite wholesome and like someone who might run a lovely bookshop in a BBC Sunday night drama about a lovely woman who runs a lovely bookshop somewhere in the Cotswolds. Here, she looks hot, like the the lead in a Channel 4 drama about a sexy woman who has lots of sex, probably shot in a shaky camera style for extra seriousness. Well done, Kate Winslet.Kate Winslet recently split up with her husband, the Oscar-winning director Sam Mendes. That was sad because they both seemed really nice and it's nice when nice people seem happy together. But, y'know, people get divorced, it happens, and often people feel better afterwards. We have absolutely no idea where we were planning to end this particular paragraph, so we'll just show you another image of Kate Winslet looking terrific and let you go on with your day.

Alexa Chung is so damn fashionable

Alexa Chung has been at London Fashion Week. FHM’s style writer Matt Hambly has also been at London Fashion Week, from where he tweeted, “Outside London Fashion Week, on my iPhone, wearing rolled up trousers and tweeting about it. #supercunt”. Well done, Matt Hambly, we admire your self-deprecation and hair gel in equal measure. But we’ll get back to the beautiful Alexa Chung now, because, with the possible exception of Daisy Lowe, she’s definitely the best thing at London Fashion Week. And we haven’t even been to London Fashion Week.Alexa Chung’s done some cool stuff in her life. She’s topped Vogue’s list of the world’s most stylish women, been the face of DKNY jeans and moved to New York to shack up with an Arctic Monkey. But of the many great and glitzy things that Alexa Chung has done, our favourite is when she rubbed lips with Holly Valance in a music video when she was 18. Crazy! If that happened today it would be BIG news, especially because Chung writes a ‘Today I’m wearing’ photo blog on Vogue.com and would basically be contractually obliged to say, ‘Hey guys, today I’m wearing Holly Valance’s mouth. It’s hot. My necklace is vintage and my tights are from Topshop.’

Shakira wore tight things at Madison Square Garden

Madison Square Garden in New York is just about the pinnacle of performance venues. Once you've done Madison Square Garden you've essentially arrived. We once sang Kumbaya after several bottles of Sainsburys own brand cider in Aunt Beryl's Garden, so we've evidently still got quite some way to go. Shakira, on the other hand, has actually performed at Madison Square Garden. While doing so she wore a little gold top and some enormously tight trousers. We like the attitude she shows in this picture."SHIT OFF, I'M BLOODY SHAKIRA - WHO ARE YOU??", she seems to say. And quite rightly. She is, after all, Shakira, and that's got to be quite a good thing. Imagine if you were Shakira. You could just spend all day thinking about how much everybody wanted to sleep with you and how you got to sleep with you every night. Then you could look down your top and nobody could do a thing about it. Great.

Adriana Lima: Bombshell in Miami

Adriana Lima was in Miami this week to top up her tan and launch the latest ‘Bombshell’ Fragrance Collection at the Victoria’s Secret store in the Aventura Mall.

During the promotion, customers were able to sign up for bombshell makeovers with the VS make up artists while free t-shirts, photos and autographs were the order of the day if you parted with enough cash on in store purchases.

Bottom line: Adriana Lima = bombshell and here’s the 20 pics to prove it.