Cheryl Cole and Rihanna confirm duet

Rihanna = wow. Cheryl = even more wow. Could there be anything better than the R&B goddess and the pop princess coming together (we will leave that to your imagination) and making sweet, beautiful-looking music? Well probably, but that would be too crude to mention. Hold your horses and just forget that they are making a song for a moment, which inevitably has number-one written all over it, and focus all channels of thought on how explosive that music video will be. Especially after Rihanna’s recent comments about the X Factor judge, admitting "she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." Well we definitely second that and you’re not too shabby yourself either.
The sexy, cherry-red hair-pair have both strutted their stuff as FHM cover girls, and this collaboration is sure to produce magical things. It was the Rude Boy singer who prompted the hook-up, heaping praise on Cheryl’s debut album, 3 Words.
And with this super collaboration confirmed, we have our own three little words for you girls. Make it now…and if you need any help on the shoot we will be waiting by the phone.

Reese Witherspoon in New York for Avon

Legally, she's blonde

Reese Witherspoon has been out and about in that there New York City. Last night she was at an Avon Foundation gala, doing her bit and making nice to the camera.The 34-year-old Legally Blonde and Walk the Line star was at the 42nd Street do because she’s the Honorary Chair of the Avon Foundation. Isn’t that nice? Obviously got nothing to do with the fact that Avon released her perfume…

Woah, where did that cynicism come from? Next we’ll be claiming that the Russians have got something to hide in their World Cup bid. Back in your cage. The really important thing above all of that right now is that Reese was looking pretty damn good:We’ll keep cynicism away by getting factual: Reese was born in America but actually spent four years growing up in Germany, and can trace her family roots back to Scotland. Maybe these bits of different nationality add up to great looks? We’ll send Sarah Jessica-Parker to Guam for a few years and see what happens, and if nothing happens we’ll leave her there. No more Sex and the City films. Fist pump.

We haven’t seen Witherspoon in a new film since Four Christmases back in 2008 – we’ve only been treated to her lovely voice since then – but she will be back on screen in the romantic comedy How Do You Know alongside Jack Nicholson, Paul Rudd and Owen Wilson later in the year. Which means a bunch of launch parties and more looking like this. Woohoo.

Katherine Jenkins lends home to next Apprentices

She a good soul, our lovely, Welsh, Katherine Jenkins. Out of the kindness of her heart, and probably because, deep down, she has a crush on Alan Sugar (don't we all, though?), she's decided to let the candidates of next year's 'The Apprentice' series use her £4.7 million mansion in South-West London as a base for their scheming deals and annoying behaviour. Well, she's not actually giving it to them for free, no. What would be the point in that? She'll earn about £50,000 in rent for the two months in which her humble abode will be used. Not bad for doing nowt. We're definitely in the wrong profession here.
This was Katherine at the Ryder Cup 'Welcome to Wales Celebration Concert' last month, in the middle of some of aria of some opera which none of us would've ever heard of. In fact, she was the main attraction at the concert, because, let's be honest, there isn't much to welcome you to Wales at any time of year, let alone Winter. Unless you've a particular proclivity towards mountaineering. Although on second thoughts, Scotland's better for that.And she's singing again. This time in a Cinderella-style dress. If we had to hazard a startlingly ignorant guess, we'd say this could be Swan Lake. Wait. That's a ballet, isn't it? Don't they sing in ballets? We don't know, and what's more, don't care. Well, we would like to know a bit more about the finer things in life, but due to societal elitism, refined culture is largely unaffordable to us. 150 quid for a ticket to the ballet? We like dancing women, don't get us wrong, but you could go to Stringfellow's and see a similar thing for that sort of money. And the experience would be more interactive.

Kylie Minogue in lace at LA gala

Oooh, doesn't she wear it well? Sorry about that. Occasionally we become possessed by the spirit of Frankie Howerd and there's nothing we can do about it. It's a condition which in the common world would be termed schizophrenia, but we call it having a personality that encompasses a wide spectrum. Anyhow, Kylie Minogue wore this black doily on Wednesday night at the amfAR gala, a men's style event in aid of AIDS research. It's a shame that not many people wear doilies anymore. Before they became known as ornamental mats, the pattern was regularly emulated when making hats, bodices, shoes, and the like. Then, the Great Doily Famine of 1632 occurred, systematically exterminating 98% of doilybugs, the little critters from whom the material is extracted.Well, she hasn't done badly for someone best known as Dannii Minogue's sister. Or is it the other way round? But wait. There's a third sibling, isn't there? Gary Minogue is his name, we think. He was the one who originally got famous for playing Skippy the bush kangaroo. Yeah, we thought Skippy was a real animal too, but it turns out, just like the recent, devastating news about Big Bird, that it was a creepy old man in a suit all along. Another of our childhood dreams left in tatters. Anyway, here's another one of her being stalked by Chris Moyles.

Michelle Ryan at The First Grader premiere

We don't know what Michelle Ryan's been up to recently. We've hardly seen or heard from her. You'd think she'd at least have the decency to call. But, as with most of them, they use us for their lascivious purposes and then quietly slip away, when they think we're sleeping. Well, she cropped up at the London Film Festival the other night for the premiere of The First Grader, which tells the story of an 84-year-old Kenyan man's political fight for education and equality. Good luck with that one, mate.It seems to be going on for ever, this film festival, doesn't it? We know there's a proud tradition of cinema in this country, but our beloved Leicester Square has been clogged up almost every night for the past fortnight by C-listers fighting their way through the throng to get their picture taken. Not to mention using all the cinemas for their oh-so relevant arthouse nonsense.

Last week, we made a special trip to VUE to see Despicable Me in 3D. We'd checked the film times and we were really excited. However, on arriving, some self-important usher told us that it was a 'private' screening of a film titled something like Oronooko Smiles Again. You know, the type of film where even hearing the title makes you want to blow your brains out. Needless to say, we weren't happy.This was Michelle at the 'Art Attack' launch party a couple of weeks back. We apologise that it slipped through the net. It's sloppy bringing fornight-old stories to you. But at least we're honest about it. And we promise never to miss such a ground-breaking piece of 'news' again.

Nadine Coyle did NOT snub Cheryl Cole

"Go away you nasty media people. I'm hating every second of this."

They're a curious phenomena, media storms. Sometimes we think that stuff just gets endlessly made up by publicists in an attempt to get more coverage. But that's only on our more cynical, existential days, when we question whether anything, including the coffee mug in front of us now, can be taken at face value. So, when several usually upstanding publications ran articles saying that Nadine Coyle had accused Cheryl Cole of miming on last Sunday's X Factor, the second Falklands War almost broke out. "It is scary how people take twisted media reports as truth," tweeted a peeved Nadine. "I have no interest in speaking badly of anyone! Have not, will not." So, there you have it.























Just in case you didn't catch it first time around, this was Nadine at the Q Awards, happily oblivious to the influence of that nasty luciferian spawn, the media. It's that curious dichotomy that comes with fame, the feeling of needing them and hating them simultaneously. There's some philosophical treatise regarding this sort of duality, but we can't remember what it is. When it comes to us, we'll devote our entire 'Girls' page to publishing it, accompanied by plenty of pictures of the relevant philosopher in a variety of studious poses, and maybe even a grainy TV interview. If that won't get you going, nothing will.

Scarlett Johansson looks hot for Mango

She likes Mango, Mango likes her. We like her

Scarlett Johansson has been getting her model on once again for Mango. Now, we’re not slow on picking up when Scarlett does this, because she looks so damn good doing it. Plus she’s a married woman and seems to do less of getting her cleavage out these days. Let’s not dwell on that though, it makes us sad.
These images are from Mango’s new winter campaign. Now, seeing as our expertise in women’s fashion is something akin to Stevie Wonder’s jet flying proficiency we’ll just stick to looking. And what we have managed to deduct from them is that Scarlett looks really good lying on a chaise longue:And looks equally fine leaning against a wall:And when someone looks hot doing such trivial stuff – however constructed it is – then they’re going to look good pretty much all of the time.

She really seems to like that chaise longue. And actually, lying on one isn’t that trivial. Unless you’re one of Berlusconi’s mistresses or Kate Winslet in Titanic you’ve probably never planted yourself on a chaise longue. And why would you; it’s half a sofa. You go to sit down, there’s no arm at the end you’re sitting, so you lean back in frustration and…yeah, legs pointing north. The French really do come up with some stupid stuff.

You know what they didn’t come up with though? Scarlett Johansson. Her parents came up with her – the Poles and the Danes can take a bit of credit too – and for that we thank them

The Saturdays launch Poppy Appeal 2010

The Saturdays are what would be described in the egg world as ‘good’. Good eggs, that’s what they are. You never see them stumbling out of nightclubs pulling each other's hair, or saying anything mean about anyone, and it’s highly unlikely you’d ever catch them torturing a puppy.
Rather, they spend their spare time supporting good causes. Tweren't all that long ago they were performing a little ditty for Help the Heroes. And, last night, the do-gooding pop starlets sang some stuff to launch the Remembrance Day Poppy Appeal.
In the papers today it said Britain is the fattest place in Europe. We once had a conversation with this fat kid at school. We'd see him in the canteen every lunchtime, always eating the same thing - chips, beans and white bloomer bread. One day, we asked him why he always ate the same thing. Through a mouthful of Heinzy mush, he said:
"Chips, good. Beans, good. Bread, good."

It wasn't the most lucid argument, admittedly, but we couldn't argue with the logic on which it was based. So, in homage to him (he's probably gone the way of a coronary by now):

The Saturdays - good. Legs - good. Good causes - good.

Except, maybe it's not all good news. We pride ourselves on an attention to detail here (our belt even matches our shoes today) and we've noticed something worrying afoot.

Item 1:Una Healy is playing guitar. The Saturdays don't normally play guitars. Something has changed. Change is almost always bad.

Item 2:Una Healy looks sad. She looks more depressed than a man who's just eaten a shit sandwich and discovered he's got a yeast infection. "I want to leave The Saturdays and pursue a career playing songs about being an independent woman on my guitar", she's probably thinking.

Rihanna on the cover of December Marie Claire

She ain't letting these legs get away

Cor blimey, that Rihanna gets about a bit, doesn’t she? Yesterday morning we realised she had lost her legs, which are worth $500k each, later, she announced she was going to duet with Cheryl Cole and this morning we find out she’s on the cover of Marie Claire UK. So, that means the 22-year-old’s been featured in no less than three articles on FHM.com in under-48 hours. AMAZING.

See, the thing is, RiRi’s had a really tough year, what with the whole Chris Brown saga, losing her legs and having to change her hairstyle every other week, but in her interview with Marie Claire she says she’s feeling much better. Which is good, isn’t it? We’re not sure how she made herself feel better, but we reckon it involved a full-English, two Ibuprofen and a bottle of Lucozade. That usually makes us feel better.Actually, the reason she feels better is because she’s got a new fella: LA Dodgers player Matt Kemp, and she’s got a new album coming out soon, and she’s doing a song with Drake, and she’s going to duet with Cheryl Cole. Oh yeah, AND, she’s got her own perfume coming out, too, called Reb l’Fleur, which doesn’t actually translate to anything, but sounds like ‘rebel flower’. It was chosen by her fans apparently, because she has it tattooed on her neck. Now that’s originality for you.

If you want to read more about Rihanna and how she’s feeling better, then you should buy the December issue of Marie Claire. It’s out soon and will have loads of good articles and pictures in it, we imagine. Buying it probably won’t make you any happier, but at least you’ll be safe in the knowledge that Rihanna’s feeling better.

Taylor Swift at Madame Tussauds New York

That is a pretty poor effort. Being the nice girl she is we’re sure Taylor smiled and act all shocked when she first saw it, probably sprouting lines like “Oh my God! It’s SO lifelike!” Well it isn’t. It’s about as lifelike as a Wallace and Gromit contraption. Actually, that’s a bit harsh, because Wallace and Gromit productions move.
It must be a nice moment to know you’re getting a waxwork designed for you, but surely you’ve got to be gutted when they get the height wrong. And not by a lot, just by a bit, but a noticeable amount, It looks like Taylor had actually got tired of pretending to like it, so just went for the universal thumbs up in the hope that would detract from her face betraying her true feelings:She’s not even holding a guitar? It’s nowhere near as good as the waxwork we have of Sophia Bush that we keep in a glass case in the middle of the office. It’s the spitting image of her, and it moves and everything. It even sounds like her, which is the best bit.

(For legal reasons we should point out that we don’t actually have Sophia Bush caged in our office, that pipe dream died a long time ago)

Pixie Lott's fashion career reaches giddy heights

"My trouble is that i'm too good at everything"

We love versatile women. We also like strong, ambitious women who aren't afraid to try new things, career-wise of course. Which is why Pixie Lott, who's done singing, acting, dancing (granted, with varying degrees of success), and is now taking serious steps into becoming a fashion designerm is great. Vivenne Westwood, look out. There's a new sexy young creative genius snapping at your heels.For, we can reveal, House of Fraser have announced that they will be launching the new collection of Lipsy dresses designed by Pixie's fair hand. That's quite a coup in the fashion world, we think. It's the equivalent of Scorcese asking us to star in his next epic. Well, what would be so bad about that? Surely you're getting sick of seeing Leonardo DiCaprio in every one of his films. It'd be a refreshing change, having one of us lot in the title role. We're cheap, low maintenance, unfussy and easily amused. If you're reading this, Scorcese, give it some thought.Here she is, proudly displaying one of her fabulous creations. Look at the colour, the pattern, the smooth, silky material. We'd wear it. In private, of course. We wouldn't want that sort of thing to become public knowledge now, would we?

Kim Kardashian was at her perfume range launch

"It's got my name on it in case I lose it"

Kim Kardashian's quest for world domination is entering its final phases. She's done a full reconnaissance of Europe, on the pretense that she was there on vacation, and, by pretending to be totally ignorant of the culture, has lulled us all into a false sense of security. Hitler called it 'lebensraum'. Kim calls it 'broadening the mind'. It's a dangerous game, semantics. Now, she's gone and done what every self-respecting celebrity aims towards in their lifetime and made a perfume range. Well, we doubt if she was actually there in the laboratory in her white coat and goggles, laughing maniacally whilst mixing highly dangerous chemicals. But the perfume is called 'Kim Kardashian', after all, so we hope she did have more than a superficial input.We've got no idea what it smells like, but if it bears any resemblance to Kim's personality, which, apparently, is what these celebrity fragrances are meant to represent, then it may well be entirely odourless. Not that Kim is bereft of character, no. We'd never say that. There's more character in those hongabongas than we can deal with, that's for sure. It's just that we've had a bit of a blocked nose recently, and it's become so bad that we've had difficulty differentiating between the scent of musk and lilac. Which explains why Kim's fragrance may well be odourless. Maybe.It must get quite tiresome having to look your best the whole time, with those paparazzi midges constantly buzzing around you. It makes us kind of glad that we can sit here in a tracksuit all day and devour chicken drumsticks in a manner that would shock Henry VIII. But then again, we're not busy plotting to invade China. Unfortunate truism of life - people trust other people more if they look good. Shallow, yes. Universally applicable, no. So beware of Kim, especially if she comes bearing anything resembling a banana.

JWoww was a sexy schoolgirl for Halloween

Happy Halloween and all that

If you’ve seen Jersey Shore, you’ll know exactly who 'JWoww' is. If you haven’t you’ve probably got the image of an American rap artist with cornrows, wearing ridiculously baggy trousers and loosely rhyming about issues such as women, the local police and his indescribably oppressed past.

Well, for all you who don’t know who 'JWoww' is, this is she:
It’s at this point that we’re going to stop referring to her as 'JWoww' and start using her more normal name, Jenni Farley. Jenni stars in that there Jersey Shore show over in the States, and she also goes out in Atlantic City for Halloween dressed as a schoolgirl. A very hot schoolgirl.

Don’t feel bad, she’s 23. We got on our high horse a little bit about Halloween costumes last week, but this one we like. A lot. To be fair, she didn’t look too shabby when she wasn’t dressed up to go trick or treating either:Apparently they were all having a Very Jersey Halloween. Seriously, are we missing something or does that title have absolutely no ring to it whatsoever? We’re probably missing something, we often do. Like those pesky clocks. They went back an hour, and we could have woken up in a haze thinking it was 2am when it was actually back to 1am. Panic would have ensued as we realised we had the chance to relive a whole hour of our lives again. But what did we do with our second chance? The same as most people, slept through it just like we had the first time.

Daisy Lowe at Elton John's winter ball

Daisy Lowe: brightening up parties since 1989

Daisy Lowe wore a little black dress at Elton John’s ‘Grey Goose Character and Cocktails Elton John AIDS Foundation Winter Ball’ at Maison de Mode in London on Saturday. The event itself was far less clunky and miserable than its clunky and miserable name suggests, mainly because Daisy Lowe was there, being great.

Is there anybody you’d rather find yourself sitting next to while you enjoy some good grub and above-average booze? Not likely. Daisy Lowe, whose Twitter feed revealed that a man called George Northwood cut her hair for the occasion, wore a sleeveless black number with sort-of-see-through bits on her hips that everyone, including Dcotor Who boyfriend Matt Smith, thought was ace. Look at his perfectly justifiably smug face. Fair play, mate.
So Daisy Lowe - who once did that video for Esquire that was so mind-meltingly brilliant that we totally forgot they were supposed to be our rivals - has got some serious style. Maybe it’s because her dad’s Gavin Rossdale. Or maybe it’s because her mum, Pearl Lowe, writes songs and makes highly desirable things out of pretty fabrics. Either way, Daisy Lowe was born with it. Help! These seemingly underwhelming photos have knocked us for six. And - oh boy - she's not even wearing a braWhat would your opening gambit be if you found yourself sitting next to Daisy Lowe at dinner? What the hell would you say? Would you, for example, pretend not to know her name? Would you pretend to have a pet dog so that you’d have something in common? Would you try and get her shitfaced? Actually, it's probably not worth worrying about. Relax.

Pixie Lott launched her film in London

It’s been another day in the life of Pixie Lott. Obviously. But today in the life of Pixie she has been at the Soho Hotel in London for the launch of Fred: The Movie. And the key promotional tool for this film (aside from Pixie) was the humble balloon:This is her first foray in to films, and guess what Pixie’s role is? That’s right, she’s the hot girl next door, which means that Fred: The Movie sounds like it was born out of most bloke’s daydreams. And that could well make it the greatest movie ever made, although we highly doubt it. Basically it is a film produced by Nickelodeon (and a few others) that premiered on the channel back in September. Which is the basis of our doubt.

This appears to be the next step on the Pixie Lott path to world domination. Singing and dancing conquered, she’s also well on her way in the fashion world. Now it’s time for film, and who knows what she’s planning next. Rumour has it that Obama is having her every move tracked. (Rumour just created by us).Well, we don’t know what her next move is, but this did get us thinking about what the future of the world may hold under Pixie Lott. Maybe the day will come where she is buying out Liverpool, looking after Gurkhas and making people say "Thatcher didn’t sort things like this". But until such times are upon us, here’s some more of Baroness-to-be Lott:

Brooke Burke wore a sexy tight Catwoman costume

We’ve been a bit down on Halloween this year, if we’re honest. We slated it in our newsletter. We gave it dishonourable mention in a story about a horror film. We grumbled during X Factor because there was a Halloween theme. We really took issue with Match of the Day 2 trying to be all funny and topical by banging on about Halloween every two minutes. Mark Alfrighton? Purleeease.
But, p’raps we've been a modicum harsh. Maybe Halloween ain’t all bad. In fact, when it gives Brooke Burke an excuse to dress up in a figure-hugging Catwoman costume, it borders on being a worthwhile thing. “Figure-hugging” is largely redundant in that sentence – t’int often that you get a “loose, wafty, paternity style Catwoman costume”, is it? But you get what we mean.
Catwoman has always been a bit of a fantasy of ours. And Brooke Burke is something we also have absolutely no bloody problem with. So this is good. Good on you, Brooke Burke. Good on you, Catwoman. Good on you, Halloween. You've finally done something right.

As good as Brooke Burke looks, she hasn't done enough to wrestle our favourite ever Catwoman crown from Michelle Pfeiffer, for two reasons:

Reason One:
We don't remember Catwoman being so smiley. Sure, it's nicer for Batman and mice and stuff, but it slightly reduces the sexual allure.

Reason Two:
Catwoman does not and should not wear flared trouser-things.

Other fictional character fantasies in the office include:

Little Mermaid

Jessica Rabbit

Bananaman

That's enough.

Sienna Miller on the red carpet in charity gala

"Please, guys. The focus isn't on me. It's on the charity"

She's a good soul, Sienna Miller. Going all the way to Dusseldorf for some obscure charity do must be a thankless task. Well, as you can see from Sienna's garb, it was a pretty low-key, dress-down event, the UNESCO Charity Gala 2010. You see, that's the whole idea of charity. Unostentatious, anonymous and humble. Now, you'll say that the presence of a red carpet at the event is anathema to the whole idea of this. And we'd say, well, that's a rather good point. But you can't expect a celebrity of Sienna Miller's calibre to walk on the filthy, cemented ground reserved for the revolting masses. And you'd be stumped for an answer.Why she's clutching a stuffed, golden-glazed hedgehog that's been fashioned into an award of some sort we'll never know. We thought you loved the animals, Sienna? Maybe every time you save a particular number of lives you're presented with a different award. Coupled with national adulation, philanthropy is not actually a bad business to be in (providing you've got the money to burn). You're already absurdly rich, so the game is to become the most popular figure by seizing the role of figurehead for as many good causes as possible. The only rules are: No eye-gouging or bollock-twisting. Ready? Good. But remember, charity has no place for kindess. It's a warzone.

Peaches Geldof is back on the market

"I'm not giving up hope in finding you, Mr. Spielberg"
If you thought you haven't seen as much of Peaches Geldof as usual over the past few months (i.e. at least in one of every six articles you read), it's because she's been over the pond a lot, doing things which we have no interest in hearing about with Eli Roth, the actor/director who's probably best known for his supporting role in Tarantino's gory revenge fantasy Inglorious Bastards. Well, after eight months they've split, both have confirmed. So presumably she'll be back over here in no time, doing what she does best. Whatever that may be. Either that or she'll find another sugar daddy movie impresario to latch onto and we won't see her again for a short while.
She hadn't purportedly been seen in public with Eli for around a month, leading to speculation that there may have been trouble afoot. Although with the ring placement on her finger in this photo, you'd be forgiven for believing they'd got engaged. Maybe they did. It wouldn't surprise us. There have been much shorter marriages than that in Hollywood - Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra, for instance. Nine days. And we thought they had so much in common. Or the Las Vegas marriage between Britney Spears and Jason Alexander, which lasted for the full duration of 55 hours. To be honest, even we, ever the optimists, saw that one coming.So there you have it. But don't be flippant now. An eight month relationship in Hollywood terms is the equivalent of twenty years in the real world. So give sympathy where it is due.