Aside from harassing helpless Sesame Street characters, corrupting our children with her cleavage and throwing bottles at one of Britain’s best loved comedians, Katy Perry also does other stuff from time to time, like pose provocatively in the November 2010 issue of Cosmopolitan. What a strange life the 25-year-old leads.
Hey there, Hilary Duff. Whatcha doin'?
Who the bloody hell is Alyson Michalka?
Ok, so the doubters and haters amongst you - we're looking at you, FHM Squash Championship struggler Tom Howard - may be tutting and pulling disapproving faces because Alyson Michalka isn’t really all that famous.
Keira Knightley is in a new film called Never Let Me Go, along with Carey Mulligan and Andrew Garfield, and was on the red carpet last night as the film opened the London Film Festival. In London. She dressed in a frock almost entirely made of pearls with bits cut out of it. Fashion, innit.
In the film Keira, Carey and Andrew play people who discover that their lives are not really their own and the only reason they exist is serve a gloomy purpose, which we won't spoil for you even though it's revealed quite early on. It's kind of like Michael Bay's The Island, but with a really dreary colour palette and literally nothing exploding. We've seen it but our official opinion is embargoed. The Man, innit.
Have you ever watched the show 30 Rock? No? Then you’ve not been introduced to Katrina Bowden. She plays Cerie Xerox in the American comedy, who is the assistant to one of the main characters. She spends most of her time looking hot and not overdoing it. Which we think is highly commendable, seeing as that means when she’s not looking hot filming Katrina looks like this:
The series is currently in its 5th season, but it’s future is not secure seeing as it’s got a relatively low rating out in the States. ”Oh no!” We hear you shout. “She’s so hot and now she's been brought in to my life the show might be scrapped.” Quite. Well, fear not, they’re pulling out all the stops on the other side of the pond to try and boost ratings, with a live show airing from New York this very night.
The 22-year-old does have a couple of other projects in the pipeline as they say, so all her eggs aren’t quite in one basket. But if she does end up out of work, then we can employ her to monitor chairs in the office (there have been pixies in FHM Towers lately). Oh happy days.
Kelly Brook went to the theatre last night. In case you're keeping track of her movements, for some stalkery reason. She looked, of course, quite quite splendid.
It might well have been Monday that Pixie Lott released her new single “Broken Arrow” but we missed it. Stop complaining, do you want to look at her or not? Exactly.
But having looked at these pictures - in fact just having looked at a ‘lott’ of Pixie Lott (see what we did there? The originality is mind-blowing) – we’ve noticed something. We think that Pixie likes her left side. You know when really vain people say ‘make sure you get my good side’? Well Pixie could well be one of those people. Exhibit A:
See what we mean? It’s the sort of information we provide you with that increases your IQ and your value to the world of mankind. Some day in the future there will be a massive life-changing moment in which you will need to know which side Pixie Lott prefers to be photographed on. Trust us.*
Katy Perry was the Big Star on this week's X Factor results show. This is not to be confused with Returning Successful Former Contestant, this week played by Diana Vickers. Katy was there to perform her new song Firework. As you can see, she really ran with the theme.
You see, the song is called FIREWORK. So she's dress AS A FIREWORK. And holding a SPARKLER, which is a very small FIREWORK, and about the limit of what you're permitted to hold during a performance on a national TV show. Coming out with two Catherine wheels clamped to her tits might have been considered against health and safety regulations.
Last night was Elle magazine's 17th Annual Women in Hollywood Tribute in Los Angeles. Judge rules: Diane Kruger was the best one. Mainly because she looked like this.
Exactly what is the point of this ceremony is a little confusing. It is, clearly, intended to honour women who have achieved great things in the filmic arena. But there's no rhyme nor reason to it. This year's honorees included Gwyneth Paltrow, Hilary Swank, Diane Keaton, Jodie Foster and Sofia Coppola. Now, they're all excellent at acting, or directing in the case of Coppola, but most of them haven't done much of note in the past year. They're just random picks of good people in general. So is the point just 'you are women; this is Hollywood; let's have a party'? That's cool, but don't be all highfalutin about it. Anyway, Diane Kruger looked really quite excellent.
Diane wasn't receiving any kind of award recognition, she was just there to have a lovely time and possibly a couple of drinks and a dance to some massive tunes. Nothing wrong with that. We all like a massive tune. Diane once played Helen of Troy, in the movie Troy, a woman who was famed for her astounding beauty. This was really quite good casting. She was great in Inglourious Basterds, too. Film chat. Yes.
Nina Dobrev – know the one? No, us neither. Turns out she’s in The Vampire Diaries – which would explain our ignorance. Now, normally we would tell you ‘she plays X in Y’ but there’s a bit of a twist here…Nina plays two characters in The Vampire Diaries: Elena Gilbert (who is a human) and also Katherine Pierce (who is a vampire). Which is definitely a good thing, seeing as Nina Dobrev looks like this:
The 21-year-old Canadian was actually born in Bulgaria, and last year appeared in the erotic thriller Chloe. Unfortunately, this was just a bit part. Boo. We also found out that she played the voice of Cupid the Reindeer in Merry Madagascar, and if you knew that already then you should really go and build something out of brick and steel to balance things out.
She's nice, yes? So it turns out that some good does come out of the countless vampire-based movies and television shows after all, which we have struggled to find for a long time now. Still, it makes leering a lot easier for us if we’re watching something remotely interesting (and we mean remotely) – so we’re pleased with the fact that her next film is to be Deathgames starring Samuel L. Jackson, which appears to be a modern take on Gladiator: “Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife. Owner to a cracked iPhone. Victim to a world recession.” That sort of thing.
Blake Lively jetted in to Los Angeles for the Spike TV Scream 2010 awards on the weekend. The Gossip Girl actress, who’s done some really hot things such as go to jail in nothing but her bra, that photo shoot for Allure magazine and shoot a dog in the head (no, really, this was very cute), further improved a ceremony that also featured a tribute to the end of Lost, the premiere footage from Scream 4, a 25th anniversary nod to Back to the Future and a musical performance by M.I.A.. Bloody hell that was a long sentence. Ugh.
Blake Lively, who does a really good job of playing a cokey, slutty skank in excellent heist thriller The Town, is quickly becoming an FHM.com favourite. To start with, her killer pins always look tanned and springy, like she could deftly avoid a road traffic accident heading her way just by shuffling her feet and doing a skippy little move on the sidewalk, thereby sidestepping a career-stalling injury and a massive pain-in-the-arse lawsuit. She’s just got a natural athleticism that doesn’t come from the gym - Lively doesn’t bother - it comes from having really good genes and being a rich, happy, diets-are-for-losers-just-order-me-a-hamburger-and-a-strawberry-milkshake-dahlin'-and-after-we’ll-go-back-to-my-condo-and-have-loads-of-really-athletic-sex-and-watch-a-movie-all-American-woman.
Hayden Panettiere has been boxing. Watching boxing. You know she’s going out with Wladimir Klitschko – the Ukranian boxer? “Ahh” you say. “That’s why she’s at a bout, she’s watching her ridiculously massive and easily-able-to-beat-us-up-but-we-want-her-more-than-him boyfriend”. (Sure you said that) Wrong. She was watching her boyfriend’s brother.
Lovely. You do wonder how anyone can focus on boxing though when you’ve got that in your corner…maybe Klitschko (whichever one she’s seeing) knows she is so far out of his league that he thinks the best way to keep her is by knocking out every single other man on the planet. Having seen the aftermath of when David Haye planted a right hook on FHM we’re starting to think maybe he can have her.
That’s it. We could take him on and woo Hayden with our collective prowess. FHM against Klitschko, a whole writing desk (of varying heights and physiques) against one huge man. It could be a close one. We’ll need to hit the road and the weights, but we can get there. Cue Eye of the Tiger…
Kate Moss looked glamorous at the London launch of Bryan Ferry’s new album Olympia last night. Well, she looked as glamorous as it’s possible to look when you’re a formerly massive wreckhead whose nose is a bit wonkier than it used to be and who nobody can look at without knowing that she used to suck off Pete Doherty. But she still looked good, dressed head-to-toe in black and what looks like (but probably isn't) the fur of a really cuddly, long-haired animal over her shoulders.
Cheryl, whose newly died hair has basically made a mockery of the waxwork, which still has 'old school Cheryl' hair, got her legs out to unveil the creepy statue in London today. Apparently the look is based on something she wore at the 2008 Fashion Relief show at London Fashion Week. So there you go.
What is the appeal of Madame Tussauds? People have really good TVs these days, so they essentially know what celebrities look like. Is it for people who want to know what celebrities would look like if they'd recently died and been instantly embalmed? Or for people who want to pass off photos with the statues as photos of them with the actual celebrities, explaining that they weren't looking at the camera because they were unfortunately experiencing a small embolism? Yes, that's probably what it is.
Amber Leigh Hartman. It’s just a name that oozes hotness as you say it. Now, you’ve already seen her before reading this bit (and you’re literally mental if you haven’t, look at that big pic up there) but it’s pretty tough to imagine anything other than a really hot American blonde when you hear the name Amber Leigh.
Why doesn’t this sort of thing happen over here in Blighty? Fine, we don’t have the climate to bring this sort of talent out in to the big wide world at this time of year (it’s in the 20’s in Dallas – where she was spotted) but when was the last time you saw a bunch of stunners at Trent Bridge? Exactly.
Seeing as the country is in a right royal mess anyway, we propose that the British Isles is moved by propellor to somewhere just south of the Canary Islands, and we’re making baseball our new national sport with free entry to 18-25 year-old hot blondes. What’s that? Any hair colour is fine as long as they’re hot? Ok not just blondes – this is a democracy after all.
