We could bump into her in Sainsbury’s on one of those rare but wonderful days when our hair looks alright and we’ve remembered to wear trousers. We both reach for the last Sloppy Giuseppe and our eyes meet across some 2-for-1 garlic bread. Garlic bread isn’t the future – Kelly Brook is. Before you know it, we're tearing and sharing while watching the X Factor back at her pad (ours was a no-go; twas laundry day).

It seems like British man of rap Dizzee Rascal agrees and fancies a bit of doughy garlic love with Kelly. He was caught cracking onto her at the Cosmopolitan Ultimate Woman Awards 2010 last night. Imagine Dizzee Rascal giving a woman 'the churpsy churps':
"Yo girl, you is well fly, yo,
When I look at you, you make me wanna go,
To the aquarium, to the aquarium with you,
I like the aquarium, particularly the seals"
What woman could resist?

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